


In which Juliana dies and Jaskier never looks back

by Vigilant_Insomniac



Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Dysphoria, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Mage Jaskier | Dandelion, Magical Transition, My First Work in This Fandom, Trans Character, Trans Jaskier | Dandelion, no beta we die like witchers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:00:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24320956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vigilant_Insomniac/pseuds/Vigilant_Insomniac
Summary: When buttercups sprout around her feet, she is taken to a place that promises her power and destiny.While not all that glitters is gold, the process of becoming a mage might still gift her with something she's always longed for._____Or: Jaskier was born female and oh look, a ritual that let's you change your whole body to your liking? Sounds like free real estate
Comments: 12
Kudos: 177





	In which Juliana dies and Jaskier never looks back

Juliana hated her life. She hated how all she was "good for" was taking care of the men in her life. Her father, her brothers. And, most likely her future husband. Only serving to take care of the house, bearing children. 

It didn't help that she felt so different from the women and girls around her. She could never quite identify with their femininity. 

And with men and boys, she could only fit in when she hid her hair and bound her chest. 

But as she grew older and her features turned more into those of a woman, she gave that up as well. 

Sometimes she wonders if there had been a mistake, if she was cursed or maybe if someone had put a glamour on her when she was just born. Turning her body into something else, something different from what it was supposed to be. 

The town she lived in, was nothing noteworthy. Nonetheless, Lettenhove did have nobility, a moderately wealthy family she was part of. Not that it helped her in her life that her name ended with a "viscountess of lettenhove". 

A perk that did come with it though, was that occasionally a mage came to visit them. It was often the same elegant woman with black clothes and a mighty gaze. Her eyes gleaming in an unnatural purple. Her beauty seemed out of the world… Unnatural… Magical.

Juliana would have lied if she had said that she didn't have an enormous crush on the mage. 

So of course she tried her best to get close. 

She had talents. Not that her home or for that matter, society would allow her to pursue any of them, but rules never tended to stop her passion. 

So she wrote poems and little songs and recited them with as much feelings as she could, when she knew the mage was within earshot. 

Of course, the mage just smiled a cattish grin at her, as if to say "you're cute kid, but I'm so out of your league" 

From one day to the other, something shifted though. The verses spilled from Juliana's lips like liquid sun and the sound reverberated in the warm midsummer air. 

She felt as if she was floating, her heart full and her mind singing. She suddenly didn't care about her crush anymore but was fulfilled with a whole new level of love, one that she never would have expected to feel. 

It was love for words and love for herself and for the world. 

A gasp pulled her from her daze. A maid stared at her in shock… Or more like, stared at her feet. 

All around her, on the usually clean swept stone floor, buttercup had started to sprout and to cover the ground. 

Juliana just looked at them unable to process what had just happened. Slowly she lifted her head and searched for the violet gaze, thinking that surely, this could have only been the mages work. 

But the look in the eyes of the mage was one of suppressed surprise and pity. 

Juliana didn't understand.

Then the mage looked her in the eyes and it felt like, for the first time their eyes actually met. Vibrant violet and deep blue. 

And the mage spoke. 

"I'm sorry little buttercup, but today your life has irreversibly changed. Now, bid your farewells, and come with me. Aretuza is calling for you." 

Juliana's body kicked into gear, while her mind still tried to catch up. 

Or course she has heard of the place the mage had said has been calling her. It's a place, a school, for people with magic… For, apparently, people like herself. 

This can't be, could it? She could finally escape this life? Finally be the one with power? Have people actually see her, and not just see a weak damsel? 

She almost ran to pick up the handful of things she cared about. A small leather bound booklet where she had started writing down verses and…. No, that was it. That's all she was going to bring. She could finally bid her life farewell, no use to dwell on it. 

She ran into one of her brothers, literally, and just told him to tell her father her farewells. 

With that she was off, with a grin and vibrating with excitement. 

The mage who was still waiting by the newly grown flowerpatch, just raised an eyebrow at her enthusiasm before, with a grand gesture, opening a portal to Juliana's new life… to her destiny. 

____

Juliana soon thought to have found out why the mage had looked at her with pity. 

This new life, her destiny… It was…eh. 

The other girls, who she secretly hoped to be finally able to identify with, still were just so different from her. And a lot of them were just so sad all the time. 

Then again, she might have been too if she had been unwilling to leave her home and dragged here against her will. 

Still, Juliana made friends. Late at night when someone was plagued by nightmares or when they gathered for some fun, she would sing for them. 

Then, all the attention would be on her lips and she was free to sooth them, rile them up, make them happy. 

Sometimes, she felt more powerful in those moments than when she was practicing magic. 

The lessons were a mixed bag for her. 

Sometimes they were cruel. It was painful and harsh. But she was strong and skilled. 

Sometimes they were uneventful. But educational. Lectures about all sorts of subjects. Politics, history, botany, etc.

Soon she found herself enjoying learning.

While the other girls complained at how boring those lessons were. She was at the edge of her seat. Seeing the interconnectedness of events, or how things could be applied to different situations. 

The world seems so big then! 

Yet here she was. In this stone fortress. Once again, not actually having her own way. And a new feeling overcame her. One of heartache and longing and Lust for the vastness of the world that she found on the pages in her books and on the lips of her lecturers. 

Time went by and girls turned into eels, some more died. But Juliana grew.

Sometimes she would see her mage. Purple eyes never quite losing the edge of pity, but also slowly they became something more equal. 

They were sitting together in her room, Juliana humming a tune when she noticed the daze in the usually brilliant eyes of the sorceress. 

"what is it you're thinking about, Yennefer?" she asked gently, it was rare to see anything less than power on the mage's features. 

Eyes looked with eyes. "you don't have to concern yourself with that, buttercup. But… Your initiation is coming up soon, and don't let yourself be blinded by a promise of power. Think. Truly think about what it is that you want." 

_______

Her mage's words stuck with her. So she thought about it. 

Back when she was still in lettenhove, she wanted to go her own path. To not have all those people have power over her. And to feel right in her skin. 

Now, she was turning into a mage, soon she would have all the power she would want and do, whole courts do her bidding. 

But…. That wasnt it, was it? 

Now that she was truly thinking about it, she had already found it. 

She found love for knowledge, love for poetry. 

And when she performed, with all those eyes on her lips, she felt powerful and fulfilled. No need for spells or potions. 

Was this what Yennefer was talking about? Was that maybe the source of her own sadness? 

For the first time Juliana felt like she might have actually understood the mage and the pity in her eyes. 

_____

Despite the new revelation there still was something amiss. 

So, Juliana had found her power and her happiness. So why. Why did it still feel like she didn't belong in her own body? 

She had always figured that she hated being a woman because of what being a woman meant. That she didn't want to live a life of household chores, bearing children and bedding men. 

So things should be different now that all those things belonged to the past,…. Except maybe bedding men. 

She did have her tumbles in the sheets with a few of the girls in the school, and loved it. But she also felt attracted to strong muscles and broad shoulders… Just.. The thought of being bedded as a woman, made her feel wrong. 

Things finally made sense when she stood in front of the mirror in the chamber that every girl left more beautiful than they came in. Breasts bigger, noses straighter, hair longer and lusher. 

"you can't decide on the enchantments you want, dear?" her teacher had said after appearing behind her suddenly as if she has always stood there. 

"no, I can't seem to see myself in a way that pleases me" Juliana admitted honestly. 

"hmm let me see, if I can't help you" her teacher stepped closer to her and Juliana saw her own reflection shift. 

There now stood a beautiful woman. A version of her that looked as mesmerizing as a goddess. 

Beautiful locks of mahogany hair. Blue eyes that sparked like a mountain stream. Delicate features and elegant limbs.

Juliana wanted to do nothing more than scratch her skin off. 

And suddenly she knew. 

Keeping her expression schooled she turned to her teacher and thanked her for her help… A genuine smile finding the way to her lips. 

_______

The mage who called himself an artist frowned when Juliana showed him her mental image of herself 

But as their thought intertwined the frown dissolved into a smile and he gently nodded. 

"you know the price? There's no going back…. But… I can save my breath with you, can't I? Now then let us get started, you will be a masterpiece!" 

Juliana smiled and for the last time closed her eyes. The potions pulling her under and taking her forever. 

______

The next time she… No. The next time he opened his eyes, the smell of burnt flesh, blood and sweat.. As well as the artists broad smile greeted him. 

A mirror was pushed into his hands and his blue eyes looked back. 

But not from the face of a beautiful woman, but from the face of a handsome lad. 

Strong features and a dazzling smile. 

Tears that trailed his cheeks down to his jawline. 

He scrambled out of the chair, almost tripping over lean limbs, until he reached the tall stand-up mirror. 

Juliana… wasn't dead. The lad in front of him bore resemblance to her as a brother and a sister would. She was still there in his eyes and the way he moved. But the person in the mirror was so much more now. It was Him. 

It felt right. For the first time in his life he felt right. 

He fell to his knees with an elated sob. Not pulling his eyes from his body. 

"so I take it, you like it, Julian?" 

Another sob tore from his mouth at that name and in a heartbeat he jumped up and slung his arms around the artist who had gifted him something he had always wanted even if, at times he hadn't known yet. 

______

The rest of the initiation went… less smooth. 

When Julian entered the hall of the party, I'm a fine ocean green silk outfit with fine details of yellow buttercups. Only some people looked at him. But more or less uninterested. 

Julian almost thought he would not be recognized at all, but then his teacher saw him and her face twisted in unbelievable ways from confusion to recognition to anger and to exasperation. 

"what have you done, child?" she asked after briskly walking over to him. 

Julian was about to open his mouth when he felt familiar tendrils of his teacher's mindsearching pickle under his skin. 

It took a moment but then her eyes softened and she let out an exasperated sigh. 

"well then, one can't go against destiny. You've heard her call long before you heard your magic's. Who am I to tell you not to follow it.

Now then, it's time for you to meet the the noble you're going to be serving" 

_____

Life after initiation was good at first. Julian enjoyed his time at court. He did his job well and properly… And it was so boring! 

More and more wanderlust claimed his waking thoughts. A desire to see the world and to sway people with not his magic but with his songs and words. 

Until he heard word of a beautiful mage with mesmerizing purple eyes that went and left the brotherhood. 

Almost instantaneously he knew that that was the answer. And he just up and left. 

He was in the middle of a feast with pseudo important people and he just didn't care. 

There was confusion and protest but.. Bhe was a mage, Noone could actually stop him. 

He picked up a lute on his way out of town and once again dropped his name. 

So Julian left, and Jaskier never looked back 


End file.
